It's hard to believe that things can change, they can mirror themselves as perfectly as matter but they are a parallel almost blinding to what makes you feel.
I can't believe how happy I've been inside of this completely normal jar. I am in a relationship that keeps going up and up like a swirling rocket or a note written on a balloon. There is something that is so different to me- no emotional meltdowns (from either party), no uncomfortable breaks in conversation or activity. No tension in the darkroom because I need the attention I'm not getting. Everything is just.. good. It's foreign but it makes me feel human, and I suppose that's what matters.
School has started, I've been aware that this is the year that matters, and I've been using my energy to experience, and not just to let words and time sink into me like a wall of absorption. I've been speaking up, offering opinions, and reading too many books. My classes are perfect for what interests me and what I am willing to take in.
I walk to work from school, so it's like this story book I can pull out from the depths of my memory.
I can't believe I'm joining clubs, have a boyfriend, and have a job I love at the library. This is like a shitty teenage series. I can't believe I like it so much.
Last night I went to the football game with Dylan (we'll call this book #8
) which was a lot different than in middle school. I didn't feel this colorful blast of endorphins, but I didn't feel like the concrete the entire suburb walked upon. I just felt each step and each person I met and it was just really good. A new perspective on an old past time.
I saw someone from my past I don't care about anymore, who is dating/dated my neighbor, and I just avoided all of that. Instead I convinced a group of people I just met to walk over to the dark playground to swing.
It was a lot of fun, I met a really cool girl, and the grass was much longer than the city prefers. Something I appreciate.
(found some Smarties in the mulch of the playground. Can you spot them? Where's Waldo?)
Carolyn is a gem.
That is a cool hoodie.
Always the passenger, never the driver.
That's a lie because my In-Car guy called yesterday and heard my Pauly Shore voicemail recording.