The weather is getting colder, the way it feels when everything I experience blends together in this snowglobe of time I wish I didn't lose. My bedroom lies at the highest point in my house, and when the wind blows it circles in and out of each window freezing the wooden floors and planting a perfume of maple and pine all throughout. The season brings back time I'd like to forget, but in a sense I wish I could remember so deeply. Last year was a time of firsts, which lead to the Spring of lasts. I wonder if the burnt colors and open air will spark a year that is entirely new for me.
I can't say that I've grown in my Junior year, but perhaps the aspect of growth is something that can only be observed through reflection. For one thing, I haven't been this happy in a while. It's nice to realize that the ghosts of pale days have crept back to their place in my imagination, and I can live my life without the burden of some space in my brain creeping back up to spread its virus in the present.
There's something about Fall that makes me feel this way. It's often difficult to explain, the way feeling mesmerized is hard to explain. Working at the library has been great, and I've been putting so many items on hold that I've been waiting to experience. Walking around my neighborhood with the wind secreting the first scent of snow, listening to so much music. Polaris and R.E.M. define my kind of autumn.
The pumpkins have been places out on lawns... one of my favorite things to see. I don't know if it's childhood crawling back into my psyche again, but I get this christmas type of feeling when I see gourds and orange dots speckling the town. I smell rain and cider and something just triggers this instinct to leave my house and feel nature all over my skin and in my lungs.
I walked through Artapalooza last weekend, running my hands through stained glass shaped like jellyfish and feathers. Letting my eyes catch the rays reflected on the icy water of the pond in the center of the market. It felt like a trail I would find when I was small... maybe searching for ghosts inside hollow trees or in a thousand buried jars. I had an imagination then. Perhaps it comes back to find me when the sun goes down and the earth becomes so cold.
Next week should be good...
+The Office season 4 premiere
+Hike with Environment club
+The Melvins concert