euphoria morning.
I let myself believe that it was hopeless, that the rut of all ruts bestowed upon me... on a very special day. I woke up freezing and lonely and breakfast felt like death.
I turned on The Sugarcubes and New Wave and looked at every item of clothing that had gathered on my floor. I have tons and tons of gorgeous dresses. Material that is lighter than layers of skin, fabric that feels like milk running through my fingers. It made me realize that life can be beautiful, even for a moment. I threw myself down onto my white and aqua sheets and counted my breaths as a chilly breeze swam through the window and combed my hair.
It was then that my lover called me, and I felt my eyes stop burning and start lighting up like a child's. I realized that I do not need dependence, nor do I need to thrive on the loathing of people. People that are so much like me.

Last night my love and I sunk into the depths of our friend's basement where orgies and laughter set the night in stone. It has been exactly one year with him, and I cannot think of a better way to celebrate than to completely lose my mind and ball my eyes out... then to turn it all around and watch the craziest and most illuminated night unfold.
My emotions have been buzzing around me at lightning speed, but I think I have finally found the answer.
Step back and observe the canvas of life instead of thirsting for it.
Moments will come to you and I, and we all must learn to seek the beauty in them.
Dwelling on what we lack will not lead us any closer to the treasure.
Finding life's gem, accidentally, is what the hunt is all about.

b.